Well, I had a nap and ate some awesome turkey soup and cabbage rolls courtesy of Shirley and Wayne Sands with some of Shannon Cooper’s homemade bread for dippin’ so I’m feeling up to writing some more. I’m also clean for the first time in two days since I was not allowed to shower with the gauze bandage on my central line. All in all, this is better than I’ve felt in a while. I must admit that I don’t have a pre-determined topic for this entry, but I had the need to do something productive. I’m also completely stumped on one level of Super Mario Sunshine so I’ve given myself a self-imposed time-out from the Evil Box of Addictive Death. If anyone can give me any advice on how to get past Ricco Harbor - Yoshi's Fruit Adventure I would be in your debt forever.
There is one thing I forgot to mention about today’s chemo session. I guess I wasn’t able to put things into words this afternoon regarding watching bio-hazardous materials drip into my body. I recall the nurse getting into full protective gear to administer the Fludarabine. She said it was a precaution in order to protect herself if it happened to spill. So, if I understand this correctly, the stuff floating around INSIDE my body is apparently hazardous to the touch. I don’t know about you, but that leaves me a bit concerned. Another disturbing fact I neglected to mention is that the chemotherapy was not at body temperature when it entered my central line. I was able to feel the cold liquid travel through my vein and into my heart. It was almost exactly like a cold beverage on a warm summers day when you can feel the liquid hit your stomach. This unfortunately was significantly higher on the creepy scale.
Actually, I do know what today’s topic is. It’s about the people I care about who are not able to see me for a few months. I’ve been living day to day for the last few months, and I guess I hadn’t fully grasped the full ramifications of being immuno-suppressed. My youngest nephew Presley (Shannon and Troy’s kid) is scheduled to have a chicken pox vaccination in the next little while. Unfortunately, the vaccine contains live viruses, which means that he, and his entire family are forbidden from seeing me for three months. That means Christmas as well. Presley is only one year old so he and I haven’t gotten to know him as well as I would like, but I have fallen madly, totally and completely in love with Hailey (Shannon and Troy’s older daughter). She’s a little over three years old and we’ve developed this special bond that I can’t quite explain. It’s the same with Heather and Marco’s son Mateo who is about the same age. Nothing makes me happier than getting down on the ground and playing with them. Maybe it’s the laugh that only 3 year olds can make, maybe it’s the way they see everything in the world as a new discovery, but when I play with them, my problems disappear and the world becomes a simple, beautiful existence. Anyway, the realization set in this evening when Shannon phoned me. I guess they were trying to explain to Hailey where I would be going and how long I would be gone. The first words out of her mouth were “I’m really going to miss him”.
Now, I’ve had a few great relationships in my life that have ended badly. I’ve also experienced the loss of loved ones, but I think I died a little today when I spoke to Hailey on the phone.
“I’ll miss you Uncle Adam”
“I love you Uncle Adam”
Tonight was hard…very hard.
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