Chemo Day 2

So, after yesterday’s miserable journal entry, I’ve decided to take a different road with today’s segment. Today’s entry will be filled with bad jokes, a little sarcasm, and a personal detail that will make my mother-in-law blush. Oh, and by the way, I want to give a public thanks to Pete Rainford for solving the Mario Sunshine problem I was having yesterday. Unfortunately, there are more levels left than I thought and I’m getting sick of that little mustached man and his silly little jumping. If I see Mario one more time I will personally make it my goal to get better just so I can track down the inventor of the Mario franchise and break his freaking neck.

On to today’s medical adventures. I had my second day of chemotherapy today, which consisted of a one-hour drip with the Fludarabine followed by a three-hour drip of Busulfin. For those of you who have been following my personal little soap opera, Busulfin can cause seizures, which is why I’ve been taking the anti-seizure medication called Dilantin. I also got to bring a new friend home from the hospital today. Her name is Ivy. She is a three litre bag of saline attached to a mini-pump, which is attached to my central line. Apparently, all this chemo has the ability to dissolve my bladder if given the chance, so I’m stuck with this traveling companion for a while. I also have to drink twelve to twenty glasses of water as well, so I’m planning on sleeping on the toilet tonight. I’ve considered simply getting Caity to get me a pack of Depends adult undergarments, but she’s already changing two sets of diapers. Besides, I don’t think the change table could hold my weight.

Now what everyone has been waiting for, the personal, mother-in-law blushing detail. I can’t even believe that I’m going to write this. Anyway, before you read this, go back to the November second entry to remind you of where exactly my central line is placed. Now what you don’t see in the picture is the fact that the one tube that comes out of my body separates into three lines with three ports. In the picture the three ports are held up with tape and a necklace to keep them from being caught on anything. If the dressings and the necklace were removed the ports would hang about 3 inches past my right nipple. Everyone got it? Ok. So I’m lying on my back in the hospital while the nurse is cleaning and redressing my bandages, and the lines keep slipping off my chest. Every time they fall, the nurse picks them up and places them back on my chest. Unfortunately, in the process of rolling down my body, the lines repeatedly brush my right nipple. Well, to make a long story short, my body rather enjoys stimulation in that area, so I found myself trying desperately to “quiet the loins’ so to speak. Every guy out there knows exactly what I’m talking about. Let me tell you that there is nothing more embarrassing than being at half-mast in front of an oblivious nurse.

Well, I’ve now doomed myself to being called “Nipple boy” for the rest of my life. Oh well, it’s the price I pay for baring my soul to the Internet. Just a hint boys, there is nothing better for “calming the loins” than rubbing alcohol on a fresh incision. Try it next time, the girls will love it.

That’s about it for today. Who knows what I’ll have for tomorrow, it might be sad, it might be happy, but like I promised myself from the start of this project, it will all be the true me. I might think about toning down the sexual references in the future, but honestly, this is the most fun I’ve had writing one of these. See you tomorrow.