Day +2 Puking for Dummies

> So I could say that I was taking a day off my journal yesterday to celebrate
> Remembrance Day, but the truth is that I just got lazy. Caity tried her best
> to get me to write an entry, but to be perfectly honest, there hasn't been a
> lot to say for the last two to three days. I've felt tired on occasion, but
> other than a little fatigue I'm the old me again for the next little while.
> It will be around the end of next week when the shit is going to hit the fan
> again. I'm going to say this now, and get it off my chest.
>
> To any and all remaining Leukemia cells inside my body. If you thought last
> week was hard, wait till next week. I know I'm strong enough to take
> whatever hits me, but are you?
>
> The reason that I'm so confident in my abilities to take the next two to
> three weeks, is because after 3 days of continuous vomiting last week, I
> actually started to make a game out of the constant vomit rather than saying
> "Or poor me, Boo Hoo". I've actually taken the time to study what my body
> does while vomiting so that I could be more ergonomically efficient the next
> time around. I figure I should share the secret of the perfect vomit, since
> my research has seemed to help matters.
>
> Step one: Detecting nausea: If you feel nauseated, instead of fighting it
> and willing it away, go right for the bucket. Your body has come this far
> and you more than likely will lose the battle. The visual stimuli of the
> barf bucket should provide adequate mental stimulation to the central
> nervous system to induce vomiting.
>
> Step two: Getting comfortable: The best position I've found for is
> actually quite a classic pose. Visualize the sculpture called "The Thinker"
> and then give him a bucket in the outstretched hand. You can be seated on a
> stool, but I prefer the bended-knee wedding proposal type stance, to the
> more classic "Vomitary Missionary Position"
>
> Step Three: Cleanup: Vomit will get everywhere. Despite your best
> attempts, you will be covered in splash back if you vomit in a shallow bowl,
> or toilet. The best receptacle for vomit catching would be a very deep
> cylindrical tube about three feet long. At that distance, the energy left
> in the rebounding vomit drops would not be sufficient to cause a high enough
> splash back.
>
> What's wrong? Not everyone has a three foot tall saucepan? Well, I was
> only given a six inch deep bucket and learned very quickly that a "close to
> the bottom of the bowl" strategy would require more cleanup than I was
> really willing to accept. I did discover that by angling the bowl in your
> hands and vomiting on the elevated side, part of the energy stored in the
> traveling vomit was dispersed by the friction of sliding down the bottom of
> the bucket. You might have also seen bartenders use this trick when pouring
> beer.
>
> Step Four "Prepping for next time": Prep work? To puke? Well, yes and yes.
> After bringing up 4 consecutive times, I started wondering if there was
> something I could do to myself that would ease the next wave of nausea that
> hit. Here is the secret.
>
> Eat two chocolate puddings right after vomiting to grease the pipes for the
> next time. You would not believe how well this works. To me, the worst
> part about vomiting is the taste of the bile. If you eat a couple of
> chocolate puddings, it gives the stomach something to bring up, rather than
> dry-heaving teaspoon sized globs of bile for five minutes. For those more
> adventure oriented than me, try adding a breath mint to the chocolate
> pudding. I'm not saying I'd want to throw up chocolate mint all the time,
> I'm just saying it makes the time go by a little better. It's the same
> concept at the dentist with the fluoride treatments. They always give you
> the choice of flavored fluoride foam, and none of the flavors ever taste
> quite right. If you think of it in these terms, it's not such a bad idea is
> it? Try it, you'll like it.
>
> Here we go on an obscure tangent since I have a weird announcement to make.
> It turns out that my Aunt Lise called the Hamilton Spectator regarding my
> journal, and they apparently want to get her to write the story. Now the
> Calgary Herald is in on the action. They interviewed me and took my picture
> this morning in the hospital. I guess the photographer was not to fond of
> my smiling in every picture. I think he was looking for the sickest looking
> pictures for some added drama. Whatever picture the Herald uses, please
> note that I smiled for most of them.
>
> So how do I feel about this jump up in viewer ship? Well, if it helps one
> person out there get ready for a bone marrow transplant, than I've done my
> job. When I was getting ready for this procedure, I found several websites
> with pictures and journal entries based on the days of the lives in Leukemia
> patients. It's sad to say this, but I'm almost 100% convinced that one of
> the hosts of a diary website that I viewed in my preparation is dead. For
> some unknown reason, his website is now locked and cannot be viewed anymore.
> I loved his diary the most because he was a young father, had CML and his
> Gleevec chemotherapy ended up failing him just like me. His name is Rob
> Glatts, and he really helped me out. I know it's a long shot but if anyone
> out there knows who Rob Glatts is, please let me know, because I'd like to
> shake his hand.
>
> Another new update in the Price home as my mom has finally come up again
> from Ontario. I know have three moms looking after my babies. I'm not
> worried at all since all three of the moms have helped mold me into the
> person I am today. If they can get togather and bring up two more me's the
> same way, I'd be happy with that. I'm also glad that my mom is here because
> that takes the pressure of Jim and Sandi. Those two need a holiday in my
> humble opinion
>
> Anyway, back to my mom. I don't think she's really doing well with all
> this. She walked into my room today, and as soon as she saw me, her
> trademark smile disappeared. I can't imagine this being terribly easy on a
> mom. If one of my twins was sick, I'd probably be dealing with it just as
> well. The only thing I can say to my Mom, and everyone else out there is
> that I FEEL FINE. I will be bad but I am more than ready for it. I know
> that this is a tense situation for everyone involved, but let's stick to
> worrying about stuff that is months down the road. I am not dying, I am
> simply the only male in the galaxy that is told to stay in bed and play
> videogames. I get anything I want brought to my bedside, and I am pampered
> and attended to with great care. I can eat 10 pudding cups in one day and
> people applaud me. You know, you word it like that this whole thing doesn't
> sound too bad does it?
>
> Well, aside from the nausea it's not too bad.
>
> Goodnight everyone.