So Caity is typing this for me while I dictate it. Seeing as I've been laid up for most of the week with chills and fever. I tried to be a bigshot last night and make it through without any nausea drugs and i was rewarded with vomiting every 1/2 hour throughout the night. The nurse came in in the morning decided to but me on the heaviest anti-nausea drug they have. The only problem with this drug is you can only take it once a day. It's 9:30 PM right now and i have yet to throw up since they gave me the drug but i can see myself doing so shortly. The doctors are a bit concerned about what is causing my fevers. Apparently, after my CT scan yesterday they found a small pocket of air in my liver. Normally in a healthy human being you barely register that you have air in liver, but in me they think that this my be causing my fever.
I guess i should talk about how i woke up yesterday. I realized that yesterday was the 4 week anniversary of my center line insertion. What amazes me is how many times the staff chose not to use it. Now i realize with certain procedures there certain requirements but my first vivid memory yesterday morning was blood being drawn from the central line, left arm and an IV started in my right hand...all at the same time!!
Apparently the CT guys don't like using the central line and hence the IV insertion. The CT experience wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was expecting a 10 ft. long tunnel of darkness but instead it was just a tiny room i was passed through. The only lousy part of the procedure was the fluid i had to drink an hour before hand. I think the hospital staff find it amusing to trick the pukey guy into a variety of nasty liquids.
So in general physical terms the doctors say i am doing above expected with regards to my blood levels. The only thing they are waiting for now is to get this fever out of the way so i can go home. Another interesting phenomena is the lose of patches of hair. Surprisingly enough i have tons of stubble on my head. What i am noticing however are the bald patches on my arms , legs, testicles and most of my pubic hair making me look like a 12 year old.
Emotionally however i am not doing well. I seem to be crying much more than usual and for silly things....like the Canadian Tire commercial where the man wants a small Christmas party and it turns into a big one. At the end of the commercial they wife tells the husband they are expecting another child by the next Christmas. As soon as she does this I begin to ball like a little child. I', becoming very tired of this place. I find myself waking up in the morning and crying because i know where i am. Every hospital room has its own ambience...lighting to come and go in the night. It's because of this that i know i am in a hospital room. I used to dream about being at home but now all i can dream about is my hospital bed. Caity brought the kids here 2 days ago and instead of reacting in a fatherly way my 1st reaction who are these babies. I didn't recognize them as mine. They are twice as large as my babies The only memories i have are of the twins as premies. i feel like i am missing out on so much. And i feel guilt that i am imposing this on everyone else.
So to close i am going to half heartedly promise to write in my diary tomorrow.
Thanks for the emails
Sorry for the tardy responses.....I haven't been able to check up in a couple of days
PS: Wendy, thanks for the hats
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